Cantankerous?

I am getting a bit more cantankerous in my old age. Perhaps it's simply an adjustment to the way I filter and disseminate information, a more straightforward approach to communication.  I still think one should exercise grace in conversation, but there might be a bit more of an edge these days to my words than several years ago.

I also find that scripture troubles me more today than in my younger days. Perhaps early on I viewed scripture from that ideal perspective one often learns from the simple truths of Sunday School. No, I am not calling into question the things I have learned over the years or how I was taught, but there is often more to God's word than the surface we so often scratch, but do not search beneath.

Take Luke 22:24-26. Jesus has just served his disciples their final meal together before he goes to the cross. In the midst of this sacred act he informs them that one from among them will betray him. Immediately they begin to size up one another to see who the guilty party might be, but that moment of judgment quickly devolves into an argument about which of them should be considered greatest. I am amazed at their lack of awareness. Why can't they understand the gravity of the moment? The One they left everything to follow has been telling them that he was going to Jerusalem to die, and now he tells them that one of them will instigate that process. I understand the finger-pointing and accusation that may have followed, but I do not understand the arrogance of argument over personal greatness. Jesus cited examples of those whose arrogance convinced them of their own importance, but then he said, most likely looking directly into their seething eyes, "You are not to be like that. Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves." Maybe an awkward silence followed his words. Maybe the disciples finally began to wonder if the complaints about Jesus that others had voiced might be true. Who would want to be treated like the youngest? Who would risk being taken for granted or looked at as weak. And who would lead from the position of a servant? How could greatness be measured by service to others?

In political and cultural conversations today, the language is often centered around this me-first or us-first approach that measures greatness by the attention we call to ourselves. There seems to be less willingness to take on the role of servant and more of a desire to be served. Greatness, we are being told, is not found in giving, but in taking what we can for ourselves. Preserving personal privilege seems to be the mark of greatness.

So, Jesus, are you telling us that we are not to be like that? Could it be that those of us who claim faith in you betray you again and again when we focus too narrowly on ourselves instead of others? Is it possible that I, and we, have become too comfortable in our complacency so we view the immigrant, the outcast, the weak, the "other" as less valuable than ourselves?

Maybe I am getting cantankerous in my old age. Maybe that comes from having to confront my own and other's hypocrisy, and finding it difficult to do so. Maybe I am hearing clearly, or as if with fresh ears the words of Jesus as he says, "Don't be like that."

Jim Abernathy